Mind Matters

On a cold fall day in 2019, I watched as my life went up in flames.

It wasn’t a surprise.

In fact, I’d set the fire.

I’d come to the end. The end of a long marriage. The end of a career. Even worse, the image I had built of having my shit together was shattered. My failures were on display for all to see.

But wait, let’s back up.

How did I get here?

For the fifteen years prior (yes, I’m that old) I had built the life your parents tell you to build. I had the career I wanted, a nice car, money in the bank, and a what looked like happy marriage (spoiler alert, it wasn’t).

I was also at the lowest point in my life.

The kind of low where you wake up and try to find a reason to leave your bed.

So what did I do?

I walked away from all of it.

I went through a divorce and in my thirties, moved in with my parents until I could find another place to live. I was broken, embarrassed, and starting from zero.

After some time feeling sorry for myself, I had an epiphany.

I alone controlled my fate, no one else. My situation could all be blamed directly on one person.

Me.

It was then I truly saw myself for the first time. What I saw made me angry and embarrassment for what I had allowed myself to become.

Some interesting things happened in the months and years that followed. I found a new career that gave me freedom. I married the love of my life. I told the truth - always. I made back all the money I’d lost, and more. .

Okay, so where is all this going?

We all need help sometimes, and that help can take many forms. I’m not a therapist, nor am I a certified mental health professional. But I have been through some tough times and came out better for it.

Okay, get to the point Josh.

There is nothing more fundamental than having the “hard talk” with yourself. Do you like who you are? Are there things you absolutely need to change? Are you living the life that you are capable of living?

This is where real change begins. You need to be ruthless about what you need to change to be a person you would admire.

Brutal honesty with yourself is the only way.

You don’t need to be in my old situation to have this talk. Often we’re on the right track but there are small things holding us back from being just a little bit better.

Here is one change I’m working on right now, and why I need to make it:

I need to be more present in the moment.

I am notorious for having a mind that is always moving, focused on the next day, the next 30 days, then next five years. I need to be creating or solving a problem.

But here’s the thing.

When I’m not present, my relationship suffers, my happiness level goes down, and I feel bad about myself because I know I should be doing better. While thinking ahead is not always a bad thing, I need to be able to “turn off” and be exactly where my feet are. I suspect that if you’re reading this, you might suffer from some of this as well.

What am I doing about it?

Each day I start with a “present” plan. No, that does not mean I’m buying my wife gifts. The other kind of “present”. It might look like this:

• Early morning - before the family is awake, exercise and handle any online business I need to do for the next few hours.

• Mid-morning - pure focus on family time. NO PHONE.

• Mid-day - handle work, check emails

• End of day - pure focus on family time. NO PHONE. 

• After the kids go to sleep - phone time and writing. If I’m feeling wild, maybe some Parks and Rec on Peacock.

This has been working and I feel it in my relationships. That time where you foster relationships and put down your devices has a higher return on investment than anything else you will ever do.

Until next week,

Josh